Monday, May 21, 2007

Class of 1996

Florian Schneider
3B
Wears a Detroit hat.


Florian is one half (with Ralf Hutter) of the core duo that makes up legendary German electropop pioneers Kraftwerk. You can always pick out Florian in group photos - he's the one with the big nose. Besides having one of the most distinctive catalogs in popular music, the band is famous for being incredibly reclusive - Johnny Marr of the Smiths tells of repeatedly phoning and mailing their studio to try to talk with them to no avail, finally being told by the record company to call on a specific date at a specific time. When he called the studio, Hutter picked up the phone without a single ring. Does music influence the people in the band or is the music a reflection of who they are? After years of playing psychedelic hippie folk for burnouts, David Crosby ended up a burned out hippie relic of the 60's. Kraftwerk played robotic music about machines - they are now seemingly devoid of any real human connections. And after years of singing self-righteous anthems, Bono is an insufferable douchebag. It's probably a little bit of both.



Gus Orviston
RF
Wears a St. Louis hat.


Gus Orviston is the main character in David James Duncan's book, The River Why, a novel about fly fishing, obsession, weird families and....some spiritual shit. I don't know, I haven't read it. Those Pacific Northwesterners sure do love themselves some fishing. Put it this way - if you're totally down with Jesus and think he's pwns all, read A River Runs Through It (yes, the book that was made into the movie with Brad Pitt; no, not the one that he spends the whole damn thing shirtless, that's Legends of the Fall). If you think Jesus kind of sux0rs, but still think that fly-fishing is a spiritual experience and it pwns all, read The River Why. I don't know if that's right, but I bet it would look good printed on the back of the dust jacket.


Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Class of 1995

Bronko Nagurski
1B
Wears a St. Louis hat.


A 235-lb. Ukrainian/Canadian Adonis, Bronko Nagurski carried the ball (and played defensive lineman) for the Chicago Bears from 1930 to 1937 and again in 1943, when the war caused a player shortage. He was also a professional wrestler, but I'll just go ahead and pretend that didn't happen, for Jack Palance's sake.

As the great Burgess Meredith once said, Bronko "Waa waa waa waa waa". No wait, that's not right. He "ate lightning and crapped thunder" except picture crusty old Burgess Meredith saying it. His career-best 586 yards on the ground in 1934 has only ever been surpassed by....well, everyone who can walk upright and carried a football out of the backfield for a football team from the pro level down to Pop Warner. But that must have been hot shit back in 1934 because Bronko went into the Hall of Fame as a charter member in 1963 and he was a member of the NFL's 75th anniversary team. Truth be told, he was probably a complete meathead, but there's something endearing about those old-timey, black-and-white, the bully-just-kicked-sand-in-my-face-so-I'll-send-away-for-the-Charles-Atlas-program-and-show-him meathead. At least you know he never wore Zubaz.