Class of 2044

Albrecht Dürer
SS
Wears a Philadelphia hat.

A German painter who brought a geometric understanding of proportion to backwards-ass Northern Europe. Had some seriously homosexual hair.



Det. William "Bunk" Moreland
Everywhere
Wears a Pittsburgh hat.

This. Always this.





Richard Wagner
1B
Wears a Philadelphia hat.

Gentiles who go to Jewish weddings are usually momentarily surprised that the bride doesn't walk down the aisle to the Bridal Chorus, although they usually figure it out.

Class of 2032

Len Bias
C
Wears a Chicago (AL) hat.

How do I put this diplomatically? If you're excited about being drafted number 2 overall by the defending champions, why not celebrate by taking all of your friends to the arcade? Perhaps a pizza party over at Godfather's Pizza? Or how about a nice, wholesome Lionel Ritchie concert? Those would have all been.....better ideas.



Atomic Bomb
SP
Wears a New York (AL) hat.

The thing what we kilt all them Japs with!



Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
SP
Wears a Philadelphia hat.

Writer, philosopher, naturalist, scientist, German asshole. Wrote the play "Faust", which is best remembered for inspiring hit musical "Damn Yankees".

Class of 2027

Chicago
OF
Wears a Washington hat.

Some faggotron musical with everyone walking around in their underwear and doing jazz hands and hats, so many hats.



Maxaman - WB
SP
Wears a Philadelphia hat.

Pills that make your dick bigger. The ingredients are things like "Tribulus" and "l-Arginine" and "Sarsaparilla" and "Oyster Meat". The guy on the bottle's dick is so big, he won a trophy, in some sort of dick measuring contest I guess.

Class of 2015

Xanax
SS
Wears a Philadelphia hat.

Xanax is what you take if you're a panicky idiot, but not if you're a "duh duh" idiot. There's no pill you can take for that.