OF, 1B
Wears a Washington hat.
Arthur, King of the Britons
SP
Wears a Washington hat.
Arthur, he does as he pleases. All of his life, he's mastered choice. Deep in his heart, he's just, he's just a boy. Living his life one day at a time.
Showing posts with label Washington. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Washington. Show all posts
Friday, July 17, 2009
Class of 2040
An Unladen Swallow
OF, 1B
Wears a Washington hat.
Arthur, King of the Britons
SP
Wears a Washington hat.
Arthur, he does as he pleases. All of his life, he's mastered choice. Deep in his heart, he's just, he's just a boy. Living his life one day at a time.
OF, 1B
Wears a Washington hat.
Arthur, King of the Britons
SP
Wears a Washington hat.
Arthur, he does as he pleases. All of his life, he's mastered choice. Deep in his heart, he's just, he's just a boy. Living his life one day at a time.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Class of 2027
Chicago
OF
Wears a Washington hat.
Some faggotron musical with everyone walking around in their underwear and doing jazz hands and hats, so many hats.
Maxaman - WB
SP
Wears a Philadelphia hat.
Pills that make your dick bigger. The ingredients are things like "Tribulus" and "l-Arginine" and "Sarsaparilla" and "Oyster Meat". The guy on the bottle's dick is so big, he won a trophy, in some sort of dick measuring contest I guess.
OF
Wears a Washington hat.
Some faggotron musical with everyone walking around in their underwear and doing jazz hands and hats, so many hats.
Maxaman - WB
SP
Wears a Philadelphia hat.
Pills that make your dick bigger. The ingredients are things like "Tribulus" and "l-Arginine" and "Sarsaparilla" and "Oyster Meat". The guy on the bottle's dick is so big, he won a trophy, in some sort of dick measuring contest I guess.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Class of 2011
Kilgore Trout
CF
Wears a St. Louis hat.
Kurt Vonnegut's fictional alter-ego, Kilgore Trout is both a brilliant thinker and a terrible, terrible writer. Mostly he gets his science-fiction short stories published in porno mags - he's sort of like Philip K Dick, but without the paranoia and crippling methamphetamine addiction.
Sachin Tendulkar
CF
Wears a Cleveland hat.
Would you believe this guy is Indian, and that he plays cricket? No? You have some attitude, jackass. Well he is, and he does. One of his nicknames is "Master Blaster" which is a game that's always seemed like more fun than it really is. Anyway, Tendulkar is crazy popular in all those loser countries that play cricket like India and Australia where they drive on the wrong side of the road and spell words wrong. Hopefully this will be my last cricketer because I have clearly run out of ways to make fun of the sport and my next bio will simply be a treatise on the book "Life, the Universe and Everything".
Basil Fawlty
SP
Wears a Washington hat.
English people think this show is fucking hi-larious. I saw it a couple of times - some hijinx, a few misunderstandings, some over-the-top physical humor. Nothing ages worse than a sitcom. Okay, Mickey Rourke. Nothing ages worse than a sitcom other than Mickey Rourke.
CF
Wears a St. Louis hat.
Kurt Vonnegut's fictional alter-ego, Kilgore Trout is both a brilliant thinker and a terrible, terrible writer. Mostly he gets his science-fiction short stories published in porno mags - he's sort of like Philip K Dick, but without the paranoia and crippling methamphetamine addiction.
Sachin Tendulkar
CF
Wears a Cleveland hat.
Would you believe this guy is Indian, and that he plays cricket? No? You have some attitude, jackass. Well he is, and he does. One of his nicknames is "Master Blaster" which is a game that's always seemed like more fun than it really is. Anyway, Tendulkar is crazy popular in all those loser countries that play cricket like India and Australia where they drive on the wrong side of the road and spell words wrong. Hopefully this will be my last cricketer because I have clearly run out of ways to make fun of the sport and my next bio will simply be a treatise on the book "Life, the Universe and Everything".
Basil Fawlty SP
Wears a Washington hat.
English people think this show is fucking hi-larious. I saw it a couple of times - some hijinx, a few misunderstandings, some over-the-top physical humor. Nothing ages worse than a sitcom. Okay, Mickey Rourke. Nothing ages worse than a sitcom other than Mickey Rourke.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Class of 2010
Patti Smith
RF
Wears a New York (NL) hat.
There's a story in Legs McNeil's indispensible Please Kill Me where some punk icon is talking about Patty Smith and says something to the effect of "you couldn't tell, because she always wore masculine clothing and baggy shirts, but Patty had really big tits" which stuck with me, for some reason. I guess because it's such a contradictory story about a woman who looks kind of like Susan Sontag and carries herself like a dude, and I like to imagine that Patti would laugh about it.
In any case, Patti Smith is a bad bitch.
William Murderface
SS/3B
Wears a Kansas City hat.
William Murderface is the bassist for Dethklok, fictional band featured in Adult Swim's "Metalocalypse". This show is, unsurprisingly, popular among the young, stoned and unemployable. Murderface has one of those Lou Holtz lisps, is really violent and pisses in inappropriate locations. If you don't think that description can sustain one of the main characters in a cartoon sitcom over 26 (and counting) episodes, you've never seen Adult Swim.
Ben Matlock
SP
Wears a Washington hat.
Andy Griffith is all grown up, and now he's got a law degree and is asleep on the couch in front of "Wheel of Fortune" by 8:00 every night! Despite running for 24 seasons, from 1972 to 1995, and spawning the hit catch-phrase "That's my monkey!", centerpiece of Steve Garvey's successful 1988 Presidential bid, "Matlock" is still probably best-known as the series that spun off hit television show "Jake and the Fatman".
Lily Munster
SP
Wears a Washington hat.
The Munsters seems like the classic example of pitch-as-premise (they're living in suburbia, but they're monsters!) As far as I can tell (and I've never watched this stupid show, so I could be wrong) they pretty much go through all the sitcom motions: weird new jobs, long-lost cousins, double-entendre misunderstandings. Yvonne DeCarlo also played Moses' chaste cipher of a wife in The Ten Commandments - alongside uber-hams like Chuck Heston, Anne Baxter and Yul Brenner, the character she played might as well have been played by a two-by-four with a smiley face painted on it.
RF
Wears a New York (NL) hat.
There's a story in Legs McNeil's indispensible Please Kill Me where some punk icon is talking about Patty Smith and says something to the effect of "you couldn't tell, because she always wore masculine clothing and baggy shirts, but Patty had really big tits" which stuck with me, for some reason. I guess because it's such a contradictory story about a woman who looks kind of like Susan Sontag and carries herself like a dude, and I like to imagine that Patti would laugh about it.
In any case, Patti Smith is a bad bitch.
William Murderface
SS/3B
Wears a Kansas City hat.
William Murderface is the bassist for Dethklok, fictional band featured in Adult Swim's "Metalocalypse". This show is, unsurprisingly, popular among the young, stoned and unemployable. Murderface has one of those Lou Holtz lisps, is really violent and pisses in inappropriate locations. If you don't think that description can sustain one of the main characters in a cartoon sitcom over 26 (and counting) episodes, you've never seen Adult Swim.
Ben Matlock
SP
Wears a Washington hat.
Andy Griffith is all grown up, and now he's got a law degree and is asleep on the couch in front of "Wheel of Fortune" by 8:00 every night! Despite running for 24 seasons, from 1972 to 1995, and spawning the hit catch-phrase "That's my monkey!", centerpiece of Steve Garvey's successful 1988 Presidential bid, "Matlock" is still probably best-known as the series that spun off hit television show "Jake and the Fatman".
Lily Munster
SP
Wears a Washington hat.
The Munsters seems like the classic example of pitch-as-premise (they're living in suburbia, but they're monsters!) As far as I can tell (and I've never watched this stupid show, so I could be wrong) they pretty much go through all the sitcom motions: weird new jobs, long-lost cousins, double-entendre misunderstandings. Yvonne DeCarlo also played Moses' chaste cipher of a wife in The Ten Commandments - alongside uber-hams like Chuck Heston, Anne Baxter and Yul Brenner, the character she played might as well have been played by a two-by-four with a smiley face painted on it.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Class of 1991
Clara Barton
3B
Wears a Washington hat.
Clara Barton was, without question, one of the great humanitarians in the history of the world, a tireless and selfless woman who did so much good that it is almost unfathomable. She also once murdered, in cold blood, every man, woman and child in the small Texas hamlet of Bridgeport because a rumor reached her ears that a man living in the town called her a "wide-hipped cow with the bosom of an 8-year old girl". I leave it to you to decide whether her charitable acts balance that heinous crime out.
Ruby Faucette
SS/3B
Wears a St. Louis hat.
Ruby Faucette was born on April 25, 1898 to Joseph and Eustice Faucette in Tucker, Mississippi. The young Ruby was noted for being exceptionally bright and curious, and it is this curiosity that would fuel her interest in biology, physics and the black arts. The little girl was known for being restless, even for a denizen of this sleepy town, and at 18 she took a train to San Francisco, where she boarded a steamer to the Orient be tutored by the mysterious Li Shoon in the use of black magicks. When Ruby was next spotted in San Francisco, in late 1965, she had refashioned herself, through occult rituals known only to herself, as a man by the name of Danny Glover. Ruby was able to live out an entire lifetime as Glover, becoming a very succesful actor and political activist, and her secret was only known by a select few. Upon the apparent death of Glover in 2023, from "natural causes" (in which no body was displayed at the funeral, and the coffin was placed in an unmarked grave), Faucette once again disappeared, and her whereabouts at this time are unknown. It is to be guessed that she has assumed a new identity, having become weary of the old one (and the difficult questions that an unaging Danny Glover would bring about), and this identity will make itself known soon.
3B
Wears a Washington hat.
Clara Barton was, without question, one of the great humanitarians in the history of the world, a tireless and selfless woman who did so much good that it is almost unfathomable. She also once murdered, in cold blood, every man, woman and child in the small Texas hamlet of Bridgeport because a rumor reached her ears that a man living in the town called her a "wide-hipped cow with the bosom of an 8-year old girl". I leave it to you to decide whether her charitable acts balance that heinous crime out.
Ruby Faucette
SS/3B
Wears a St. Louis hat.
Ruby Faucette was born on April 25, 1898 to Joseph and Eustice Faucette in Tucker, Mississippi. The young Ruby was noted for being exceptionally bright and curious, and it is this curiosity that would fuel her interest in biology, physics and the black arts. The little girl was known for being restless, even for a denizen of this sleepy town, and at 18 she took a train to San Francisco, where she boarded a steamer to the Orient be tutored by the mysterious Li Shoon in the use of black magicks. When Ruby was next spotted in San Francisco, in late 1965, she had refashioned herself, through occult rituals known only to herself, as a man by the name of Danny Glover. Ruby was able to live out an entire lifetime as Glover, becoming a very succesful actor and political activist, and her secret was only known by a select few. Upon the apparent death of Glover in 2023, from "natural causes" (in which no body was displayed at the funeral, and the coffin was placed in an unmarked grave), Faucette once again disappeared, and her whereabouts at this time are unknown. It is to be guessed that she has assumed a new identity, having become weary of the old one (and the difficult questions that an unaging Danny Glover would bring about), and this identity will make itself known soon.
Class of 1989
Bosco "B.A." Baracus
LF
Wears a Washington hat.
You might think BA was just Mr. T with a cool van but that's where you're wrong, jack - BA was afraid of flying and Mr. T isn't. I guess. That is just one of ones of distinctions between Mr. T and BA Baracus. BA, of course, was the handyman of the A-Team, as well as being the token. He eschewed subterfuge for less subtle, punchier solutions, presumably because he's incredibly stupid and can't figure out that a more reasonable haircut and less gold chains would help him blend in better.
The A-Team perfected their own unique version of the Stormtrooper Effect - not only could the bad guys not hit the broad side of a barn with fully automatic weapons, but the A-Team was equally inept with anything other than high explosives aimed at structures and vehicles. This, of course, is a solution to the problem of, "how do we get real weapons into the hands of these soldiers of fortune without actually having to kill anyone onscreen?" So bullets ricochet off of the ground and buildings and the van (I guess) and the audience simply has to overlook the question of how this gang that can't shoot straight can solve so many problems, because it's the 80's and people wore leg-warmers for Christ's sake, so who cares about a little bit of crappy shooting from the crack commando unit that was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit.
Morris Thorpe
CF
Wears a Washington hat.
Morris Thorpe was one of the players for Ken Reeves' Carver High basketball squad. Could this show, as it was constructed in 1978, be made today? Despite what Bill Simmons might personally think, I believe that the answer to that question is no. This question always comes up when talking about politically charged shows like "All in the Family" (which could easily be made today, especially on a network willing to take chances). But "The White Shadow", where a white former NBA player comes in to fix the problems of an urban, predominantly black high school? Not only does that not make any sense, with good white players in the NBA all being weird and foreign, but the "older white person fixes black younger students" trope is deader than dead and, unless you're Hillary Swank's agent, is absolutely untouchable as a serious premise.
It should also be noted that "The White Shadow" clearly takes place in the Tommy Westphall universe and, therefore, can be considered a figment of an autistic kid's imagination. Take that, Simmons.
LF
Wears a Washington hat.
You might think BA was just Mr. T with a cool van but that's where you're wrong, jack - BA was afraid of flying and Mr. T isn't. I guess. That is just one of ones of distinctions between Mr. T and BA Baracus. BA, of course, was the handyman of the A-Team, as well as being the token. He eschewed subterfuge for less subtle, punchier solutions, presumably because he's incredibly stupid and can't figure out that a more reasonable haircut and less gold chains would help him blend in better.
The A-Team perfected their own unique version of the Stormtrooper Effect - not only could the bad guys not hit the broad side of a barn with fully automatic weapons, but the A-Team was equally inept with anything other than high explosives aimed at structures and vehicles. This, of course, is a solution to the problem of, "how do we get real weapons into the hands of these soldiers of fortune without actually having to kill anyone onscreen?" So bullets ricochet off of the ground and buildings and the van (I guess) and the audience simply has to overlook the question of how this gang that can't shoot straight can solve so many problems, because it's the 80's and people wore leg-warmers for Christ's sake, so who cares about a little bit of crappy shooting from the crack commando unit that was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit.
Morris Thorpe
CF
Wears a Washington hat.
Morris Thorpe was one of the players for Ken Reeves' Carver High basketball squad. Could this show, as it was constructed in 1978, be made today? Despite what Bill Simmons might personally think, I believe that the answer to that question is no. This question always comes up when talking about politically charged shows like "All in the Family" (which could easily be made today, especially on a network willing to take chances). But "The White Shadow", where a white former NBA player comes in to fix the problems of an urban, predominantly black high school? Not only does that not make any sense, with good white players in the NBA all being weird and foreign, but the "older white person fixes black younger students" trope is deader than dead and, unless you're Hillary Swank's agent, is absolutely untouchable as a serious premise.
It should also be noted that "The White Shadow" clearly takes place in the Tommy Westphall universe and, therefore, can be considered a figment of an autistic kid's imagination. Take that, Simmons.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Class of 1977
Mos Def
RF
Wears a Chicago (NL) hat.
ROY winner. 3 MVP's plus 5 other top 5 finishes. Top 20 all-time in HR, Hits, RBI, Runs and SB.
What's there to say about Mos Def? Well, how about this - even white people love Mos Def. And not in the vaguely Stepin Fetchitesque way we embraced MC Hammer. We love him because he's both smart and outspoken, not in spite of it. Plus, and let's be honest here, it's entirely possible that he's actually a better actor than musician, and that'll warm the heart of the snootiest intellectual elite who thinks hip hop has something to do with C&C Music Factory. Mos Def - even beloved by white people.
Gilligan
SP
Wears a Washington hat.
1 Cy Young. Top 20 all-time in Wins, Shutouts, ERA, WHIP and K's.
Gilligan's Island lasted 3 seasons, the same as the original Star Trek. Most people would probably assume both shows lasted longer, due to their constant rotation through syndication. They just SEEM like they went on forever. Plus, any episode is pretty much like any other episode, so it's basically impossible to tell when they roll over. In fact, I'll go ahead and save you the trouble of watching any more episodes:
The castaways find a way off the island.
Gilligan fucks it up.
They do not get to leave.
Actually, between points 2 and 3 should probably go "Group orgy with Mary Ann and Ginger" but they never show it, so I'll leave it out. It's there though, you know it is.
RF
Wears a Chicago (NL) hat.
ROY winner. 3 MVP's plus 5 other top 5 finishes. Top 20 all-time in HR, Hits, RBI, Runs and SB.
What's there to say about Mos Def? Well, how about this - even white people love Mos Def. And not in the vaguely Stepin Fetchitesque way we embraced MC Hammer. We love him because he's both smart and outspoken, not in spite of it. Plus, and let's be honest here, it's entirely possible that he's actually a better actor than musician, and that'll warm the heart of the snootiest intellectual elite who thinks hip hop has something to do with C&C Music Factory. Mos Def - even beloved by white people.
Gilligan
SP
Wears a Washington hat.
1 Cy Young. Top 20 all-time in Wins, Shutouts, ERA, WHIP and K's.
Gilligan's Island lasted 3 seasons, the same as the original Star Trek. Most people would probably assume both shows lasted longer, due to their constant rotation through syndication. They just SEEM like they went on forever. Plus, any episode is pretty much like any other episode, so it's basically impossible to tell when they roll over. In fact, I'll go ahead and save you the trouble of watching any more episodes:
The castaways find a way off the island.
Gilligan fucks it up.
They do not get to leave.
Actually, between points 2 and 3 should probably go "Group orgy with Mary Ann and Ginger" but they never show it, so I'll leave it out. It's there though, you know it is.
Class of 1973
Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor
CF
Wears a New York (NL) hat.
ROY top 5, 2 MVP top 5 finishes. Top 20 in 5 statistical categories (HR, Hits, RBI, Runs, SB)
1991. America has just escaped from the long nightmare of the Gulf War. Desperate for someone, anyone to take their minds off of the harsh realities of early-90's life, like a savior from the heavens along comes Tim Allen to prove that the American sitcom can be taken in completely new directions and America will still respond like they always have. With laughter. From the exasperated wife, to the adorable children, to the bumbling father figure, on Home Improvement as in life no problem will ever last more than 24 minutes. And if that weren't enough, in comes the wacky neighbor, the perenially single coworker and the impossibly hot "Tool Time Girl" to provide more fodder for Tim Allen's unique brand of inoffensive, middle of the road comedy. We were in good hands with Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor for 8 years, getting us through the tough times with comedy that, as your grandma might put it, "is some seriously bland and watered-down shite". Indeed grandma. Indeed.
Kronprins Frederik
SP
Wears a Cincinnati hat.
Top 20 in 5 statistical categories (Wins, Shutouts, ERA, WHIP, K's).
Between the Crown Prince and Prince William in England, it is clear that European royalty has found its niche, and that niche is filled to the brim with SEXY.
Did you know: Prince Frederik's mother, Queen Margrethe II, is an accomplished painter who has contributed art to the Danish editions of The Lord of the Rings, making her the only monarch currently alive to answer to the phrase "Hey, geek". This is contrary to popular opinion which considers her one of two monarchs to answer to that phrase - Prince Charles, of course, only recognizes the phrase, "Hey, sissy."
Tycho Brahe
SP
Wears a Washington hat.
2 Cy Young awards plus 1 other top 5 finish. Top 20 in 5 statistical categories (Wins, Shutouts, ERA, WHIP, K's)
Three things you need to know about Tycho Brahe:
1)He was a brilliant scientist and a fanatical data collector, who nevertheless stuck by the old Ptolemaic system of believing that the Earth was the center of the Universe.
2)He kept a dwarf named Jepp, who he believed was clairvoyant, as a jester. Jepp stayed under the table during dinner.
3)Like seemingly every other brilliant mind of the Enlightenment era, he died by ingesting some sort of horrible poison (mercury, in this case). Not quite brilliant enough to assume that putting every interesting substance they came across into their mouths was not such a great idea.
CF
Wears a New York (NL) hat.
ROY top 5, 2 MVP top 5 finishes. Top 20 in 5 statistical categories (HR, Hits, RBI, Runs, SB)
1991. America has just escaped from the long nightmare of the Gulf War. Desperate for someone, anyone to take their minds off of the harsh realities of early-90's life, like a savior from the heavens along comes Tim Allen to prove that the American sitcom can be taken in completely new directions and America will still respond like they always have. With laughter. From the exasperated wife, to the adorable children, to the bumbling father figure, on Home Improvement as in life no problem will ever last more than 24 minutes. And if that weren't enough, in comes the wacky neighbor, the perenially single coworker and the impossibly hot "Tool Time Girl" to provide more fodder for Tim Allen's unique brand of inoffensive, middle of the road comedy. We were in good hands with Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor for 8 years, getting us through the tough times with comedy that, as your grandma might put it, "is some seriously bland and watered-down shite". Indeed grandma. Indeed.
Kronprins Frederik
SP
Wears a Cincinnati hat.
Top 20 in 5 statistical categories (Wins, Shutouts, ERA, WHIP, K's).
Between the Crown Prince and Prince William in England, it is clear that European royalty has found its niche, and that niche is filled to the brim with SEXY.
Did you know: Prince Frederik's mother, Queen Margrethe II, is an accomplished painter who has contributed art to the Danish editions of The Lord of the Rings, making her the only monarch currently alive to answer to the phrase "Hey, geek". This is contrary to popular opinion which considers her one of two monarchs to answer to that phrase - Prince Charles, of course, only recognizes the phrase, "Hey, sissy."
Tycho Brahe
SP
Wears a Washington hat.
2 Cy Young awards plus 1 other top 5 finish. Top 20 in 5 statistical categories (Wins, Shutouts, ERA, WHIP, K's)
Three things you need to know about Tycho Brahe:
1)He was a brilliant scientist and a fanatical data collector, who nevertheless stuck by the old Ptolemaic system of believing that the Earth was the center of the Universe.
2)He kept a dwarf named Jepp, who he believed was clairvoyant, as a jester. Jepp stayed under the table during dinner.
3)Like seemingly every other brilliant mind of the Enlightenment era, he died by ingesting some sort of horrible poison (mercury, in this case). Not quite brilliant enough to assume that putting every interesting substance they came across into their mouths was not such a great idea.
Class of 1971
Wal*Mart
2B
Wears a New York (AL) hat.
ROY top 5. Top 20 in 4 statistical categories (HR, Hits, RBI, Runs)
Not the corporate giant, but a fairly low-level parody of the corporate giant. About as funny as its namesake's copy of Richard Pryor's landmark comedy album "That Nigger's Crazy". Has a longstanding feud with fellow alter-ego TARGET that is the message board equivalent of dead air.
Joe Strummer
SP
Wears a New York (NL) hat.
8 Cy Youngs, plus 5 other top 5 finishes. Top 20 in 5 statistical categories (Wins, Shutouts, ERA, WHIP, K's)
Punk icon, actor, reggae shill. About as cool as it gets for a graduate of a fruity English boarding school.
Phoenix Lord Baharroth
SP
Wears a Cleveland hat.
1 Cy Young plus 3 other top 5 finishes. Top 20 in 4 statistical categories (Wins, Shutouts, ERA, K's)
"Baharroth is believed to be the finest pupil of Asurmen. He was the winged Phoenix and founder of the Swooping Hawk Aspect."
If you understand what those words mean, there is about a 95% chance that you sweat Mountain Dew and artificial cheese flavoring. Copiously.
Reginald Iolanthe Perrin
SP
Wears a Washington hat.
2 Cy Young awards. 1 World Series MVP. Top 20 in 4 statistical categories (Wins, Shutouts, ERA, WHIP)
From "The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin". Most famous for the last episode of the first season where Reginald faked his suicide by leaving his clothes on a beach and running into the ocean. Ironically, he was unsuccessful in his attempt due to the fact that a family of Japanese tourists spotted him and mobbed him, assuming he was filming a British sitcom, since all British sitcoms involve several jokes about pasty old white guys showing the audience their bare ass.
2B
Wears a New York (AL) hat.
ROY top 5. Top 20 in 4 statistical categories (HR, Hits, RBI, Runs)
Not the corporate giant, but a fairly low-level parody of the corporate giant. About as funny as its namesake's copy of Richard Pryor's landmark comedy album "That Nigger's Crazy". Has a longstanding feud with fellow alter-ego TARGET that is the message board equivalent of dead air.
Joe Strummer
SP
Wears a New York (NL) hat.
8 Cy Youngs, plus 5 other top 5 finishes. Top 20 in 5 statistical categories (Wins, Shutouts, ERA, WHIP, K's)
Punk icon, actor, reggae shill. About as cool as it gets for a graduate of a fruity English boarding school.
Phoenix Lord Baharroth
SP
Wears a Cleveland hat.
1 Cy Young plus 3 other top 5 finishes. Top 20 in 4 statistical categories (Wins, Shutouts, ERA, K's)
"Baharroth is believed to be the finest pupil of Asurmen. He was the winged Phoenix and founder of the Swooping Hawk Aspect."
If you understand what those words mean, there is about a 95% chance that you sweat Mountain Dew and artificial cheese flavoring. Copiously.
Reginald Iolanthe Perrin
SP
Wears a Washington hat.
2 Cy Young awards. 1 World Series MVP. Top 20 in 4 statistical categories (Wins, Shutouts, ERA, WHIP)
From "The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin". Most famous for the last episode of the first season where Reginald faked his suicide by leaving his clothes on a beach and running into the ocean. Ironically, he was unsuccessful in his attempt due to the fact that a family of Japanese tourists spotted him and mobbed him, assuming he was filming a British sitcom, since all British sitcoms involve several jokes about pasty old white guys showing the audience their bare ass.
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