OF
Wears a Cleveland hat.
The highest ranking Indian (feather, not dot) in the Confederate army and the last general to officially surrender in the War of Northern Aggression.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Class of 2035
Brigadier General Stand Watie
OF
Wears a Cleveland hat.
The highest ranking Indian (feather, not dot) in the Confederate army and the last general to officially surrender in the War of Northern Aggression.
OF
Wears a Cleveland hat.
The highest ranking Indian (feather, not dot) in the Confederate army and the last general to officially surrender in the War of Northern Aggression.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Class of 2032
Len Bias
C
Wears a Chicago (AL) hat.
How do I put this diplomatically? If you're excited about being drafted number 2 overall by the defending champions, why not celebrate by taking all of your friends to the arcade? Perhaps a pizza party over at Godfather's Pizza? Or how about a nice, wholesome Lionel Ritchie concert? Those would have all been.....better ideas.
Atomic Bomb
SP
Wears a New York (AL) hat.
The thing what we kilt all them Japs with!
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
SP
Wears a Philadelphia hat.
Writer, philosopher, naturalist, scientist, German asshole. Wrote the play "Faust", which is best remembered for inspiring hit musical "Damn Yankees".
C
Wears a Chicago (AL) hat.
How do I put this diplomatically? If you're excited about being drafted number 2 overall by the defending champions, why not celebrate by taking all of your friends to the arcade? Perhaps a pizza party over at Godfather's Pizza? Or how about a nice, wholesome Lionel Ritchie concert? Those would have all been.....better ideas.
Atomic Bomb
SP
Wears a New York (AL) hat.
The thing what we kilt all them Japs with!
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
SP
Wears a Philadelphia hat.
Writer, philosopher, naturalist, scientist, German asshole. Wrote the play "Faust", which is best remembered for inspiring hit musical "Damn Yankees".
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Class of 2031
Lionel Essrog
2B
Wears a St. Louis hat.
"He's a private investigator, but he has Tourette's Syndrome" sounds like the sort of high concept pitch that would set the groundwork for the latest Rob Schneider vehicle. Sadly, it is not - it is, in fact, a serious work of fiction. About a PI. With Tourette's. If you pick this book up hoping to spend an hilarious time with a guy who screams "shitfuckcock" while he dusts crime scenes for prints, well, first of all you're an idiot and second of all, the joke's on you. You know what? Fuck this, I'm done with you. Go watch "Monk" and leave me alone.
Panda Bear
RP
Wears a Pittsburgh hat.
Well, I like Animal Collective just fine, but I'm not one of the league's fanboys, and Panda Bear's solo albums left me cold. So I'm not exactly the most qualified person to write this thing. Here are some facts about Noah Lennox:
He is not a Jew. A Jewish mother would never let her son be skinnier than Prince.
He and Brett McKenzie appear to have similar taste in wardrobes. The difference is that Lennox is 100% real.
His stage name is pretty stupid, but not as stupid as that other guy in the band.
He lives in Portugal, a country whose Prime Minister is named "Jose Socrates", which is a better name than "Dana Plato" but not as good as "The Big Aristotle".
2B
Wears a St. Louis hat.
"He's a private investigator, but he has Tourette's Syndrome" sounds like the sort of high concept pitch that would set the groundwork for the latest Rob Schneider vehicle. Sadly, it is not - it is, in fact, a serious work of fiction. About a PI. With Tourette's. If you pick this book up hoping to spend an hilarious time with a guy who screams "shitfuckcock" while he dusts crime scenes for prints, well, first of all you're an idiot and second of all, the joke's on you. You know what? Fuck this, I'm done with you. Go watch "Monk" and leave me alone.
Panda Bear
RP
Wears a Pittsburgh hat.
Well, I like Animal Collective just fine, but I'm not one of the league's fanboys, and Panda Bear's solo albums left me cold. So I'm not exactly the most qualified person to write this thing. Here are some facts about Noah Lennox:
He is not a Jew. A Jewish mother would never let her son be skinnier than Prince.
He and Brett McKenzie appear to have similar taste in wardrobes. The difference is that Lennox is 100% real.
His stage name is pretty stupid, but not as stupid as that other guy in the band.
He lives in Portugal, a country whose Prime Minister is named "Jose Socrates", which is a better name than "Dana Plato" but not as good as "The Big Aristotle".
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Class of 2030
Magic Johnson
SP
Wears a Chicago (AL) hat
Enshrined here for proving to people like Happy that people like Aaron aren't the only ones.
Rocky Horror Show
2b
Wears a Milwaukee hat
Craigles:
It's a pretty stupid story, but it's what I always think of whenever someone mentions Rocky Horror:
I’ve actually seen the Rocky Horror Show performed live. Not on Broadway or anything, it was a decidedly more amateur affair, but it wasn’t bad. I mean, the story is censored stupid, and it’s way over the top, but some of the songs are kind of catchy, and if you strip away all that audience participation crap that gives it such a bad name, it’s not such a bad little show.
Why did I go? Well, that has a pretty simple answer – someone said the magic word. I had a roommate who knew some people who knew some people who were in the show, theater types, and they were putting it on Halloween night (naturally). Well censored , I wasn’t going to go to that. They wanted my roommate to sit in the back and tape the performance, and I damn sure wasn’t going to sit in the back and have to do a goddamned job for a show that I already hated before I’d ever seen it. But, you know, someone said the magic word, and I went, and sat behind that camera, and taped the whole stupid thing. Sober, even. And what’s the magic word, you might ask? Well, nudity, of course. I was told that one of the actresses was going to get her top off at one point (the Susan Sarandon character, I think). It only ended up being for a few seconds, but that’s good enough for me. And hey, I kind of enjoyed the rest of the show too, like I said. Yes, I am that immature. The end.
Dan:
I think of my good friend Harry Waksberg, and of the darkness of middle school, whenever this movie is mentioned. I've seen the movie in his basement a few times, and also in midnight-theaters. It's good that someone turned it into a stageable thing, for the sake of people like this:
The Founder, Abner Doubleday
C
Wears a combined Cleveland and St. Louis hat, with a small Chicago AL feather
Will be forever remembered for creating this great game, sucking at it, and then for cheating death. For a small few of us, this game has never gotten any better than The Doubles.
Marvin Martian
SS
Wears a Boston hat
Forever marks the triumph of all, and indeed, of the OGL itself. It has taken all these years for us, at last, to succumb to our own Hilarity. A great thing has been accomplished here, this day. And Lou, unconscious somewhere, mutters and sputters, and is comforted.
Love.
SP
Wears a Chicago (AL) hat
Enshrined here for proving to people like Happy that people like Aaron aren't the only ones.
Rocky Horror Show
2b
Wears a Milwaukee hat
Craigles:
It's a pretty stupid story, but it's what I always think of whenever someone mentions Rocky Horror:
I’ve actually seen the Rocky Horror Show performed live. Not on Broadway or anything, it was a decidedly more amateur affair, but it wasn’t bad. I mean, the story is censored stupid, and it’s way over the top, but some of the songs are kind of catchy, and if you strip away all that audience participation crap that gives it such a bad name, it’s not such a bad little show.
Why did I go? Well, that has a pretty simple answer – someone said the magic word. I had a roommate who knew some people who knew some people who were in the show, theater types, and they were putting it on Halloween night (naturally). Well censored , I wasn’t going to go to that. They wanted my roommate to sit in the back and tape the performance, and I damn sure wasn’t going to sit in the back and have to do a goddamned job for a show that I already hated before I’d ever seen it. But, you know, someone said the magic word, and I went, and sat behind that camera, and taped the whole stupid thing. Sober, even. And what’s the magic word, you might ask? Well, nudity, of course. I was told that one of the actresses was going to get her top off at one point (the Susan Sarandon character, I think). It only ended up being for a few seconds, but that’s good enough for me. And hey, I kind of enjoyed the rest of the show too, like I said. Yes, I am that immature. The end.
Dan:
I think of my good friend Harry Waksberg, and of the darkness of middle school, whenever this movie is mentioned. I've seen the movie in his basement a few times, and also in midnight-theaters. It's good that someone turned it into a stageable thing, for the sake of people like this:
The Founder, Abner Doubleday
C
Wears a combined Cleveland and St. Louis hat, with a small Chicago AL feather
Will be forever remembered for creating this great game, sucking at it, and then for cheating death. For a small few of us, this game has never gotten any better than The Doubles.
Marvin Martian
SS
Wears a Boston hat
Forever marks the triumph of all, and indeed, of the OGL itself. It has taken all these years for us, at last, to succumb to our own Hilarity. A great thing has been accomplished here, this day. And Lou, unconscious somewhere, mutters and sputters, and is comforted.
Love.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Class of 2029
Jamie Lynn
CF
Wears a Detroit hat.
Spiros Vondas is the go-between who serves as a buffer between the head honcho of an international drug and human trafficking syndicate known only as "The Greek" and the low-lifes who he makes deals w.......oh fuck. It's some goddamned porno actress, isn't it? Uh, Jamie Lynn fucks dudes for money. The end.
(Shoulda been you, Spiros, with your fancy hat.)
CF
Wears a Detroit hat.
Spiros Vondas is the go-between who serves as a buffer between the head honcho of an international drug and human trafficking syndicate known only as "The Greek" and the low-lifes who he makes deals w.......oh fuck. It's some goddamned porno actress, isn't it? Uh, Jamie Lynn fucks dudes for money. The end.
(Shoulda been you, Spiros, with your fancy hat.)
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Class of 2028
Bill Russell
SP
Wears a Chicago (AL) hat.
Center, ring-collector, victim (and fomenter) of infamous Boston racism, autograph-refusing asshole.
SP
Wears a Chicago (AL) hat.
Center, ring-collector, victim (and fomenter) of infamous Boston racism, autograph-refusing asshole.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Class of 2027
Chicago
OF
Wears a Washington hat.
Some faggotron musical with everyone walking around in their underwear and doing jazz hands and hats, so many hats.
Maxaman - WB
SP
Wears a Philadelphia hat.
Pills that make your dick bigger. The ingredients are things like "Tribulus" and "l-Arginine" and "Sarsaparilla" and "Oyster Meat". The guy on the bottle's dick is so big, he won a trophy, in some sort of dick measuring contest I guess.
OF
Wears a Washington hat.
Some faggotron musical with everyone walking around in their underwear and doing jazz hands and hats, so many hats.
Maxaman - WB
SP
Wears a Philadelphia hat.
Pills that make your dick bigger. The ingredients are things like "Tribulus" and "l-Arginine" and "Sarsaparilla" and "Oyster Meat". The guy on the bottle's dick is so big, he won a trophy, in some sort of dick measuring contest I guess.
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