Class of 1984

Duff Man
C
Wears a New York (AL) hat.

ROY winner. 9 MVP awards plus two other top 5 finishes and 1 top 10 finish. Top 20 all-time in HR, Hits, RBI, Runs.

How do you make fun of something that's already supposed to be a parody? That's easy, by making fun of the show that's doing the parody. But I'm a huge Simpsons homer, and the one true defender-of-the-faith, so I will do no such thing. Instead I will talk about something only tangentially related to Duff Man. "Oh Yeah", by Yello.

"Oh Yeah" is still most famous for playing over several scenes of Ferris Bueller's Day Off, most notably when child molester Principal Rooney gets on the school bus at the end of the movie and has to sit next to the weird chick with gummy bears in her pockets. But even though it is featured in, arguably, the greatest comedy ever made, I believe the song is still tremendously underrated.

Have you ever seen the video? Go ahead, I'll wait. Two mustachioed Swiss dudes mouth goofy lyrics about how the moon and sun are beautiful (that's right, this song is, technically, about something). Now this song violates two cardinal rules of rock - first, it's electronic music, so it's immediately somewhat passionless. Second, it's clearly meant as a goof. I mean, even Eurotrash doesn't think singing about the sun and moon is serious. Normally, there is nothing worse than "rock" bands that sing intentionally stupid songs, which is why the Barenaked Ladies are currently sitting on death row. And yet, it still works. Try not to sing it while you're listening to it, I dare you. You can't. Chigga chigga. Oh yeah, and Duff Man uses it as his theme song. Or something. Whatever.


Bessie Lee Johnson
SP
Wears a Detroit hat.

5 Cy Young awards, plus 5 other top 5 finishes and 3 other top 10 finishes. Top 20 all-time in Wins, Shutouts, ERA, WHIP, K's.

(Guest written by Max_Fischer)
Bessie Lee Johnson achieved little in her hard-scrabble life on a South Carolina farm. But she overcame a fourth-grade education and desperate poverty to become the all-time winningest pitcher in OGL history.

Bessie Lee was known throughout her community as the meanest, cruellest person alive. Perhaps no one feared her more than her own grandchildren (max_fischer among them), whom she called "fat" or "stupid" for her own entertainment (and whom she occasionally threatened to eat).

Scarred by their horrific childhoods, Bessie Lee's own children (six in all) both loved and loathed her, as abused kids are wont to do. But they were of one mind on one thing: Bessie Lee Johnson could flat out pitch.

Winner of FIVE Cy Young Awards, Bessie Lee regularly topped 100 MPH on radar guns and generally terrorized the American League. She also baked lots of cakes (she reportedly goes through one five-pound bag of sugar each WEEK, and the woman lives alone), many of which she ate herself.

Her 372 wins may never be exceeded. Long may she reign.


Blanche Bouchard
SP
Wears a Detroit hat.

2 Cy Young awards plus 4 other top 5 finishes and 2 other top 10 finishes. Top 20 all-time in Wins, Shutouts, ERA, WHIP, K's.

BEAVER LAKE, PA - Blanche T. "Horse Satchel" Bouchard, 89, died Monday at a local nursing home after a long illness.
Mrs. Bouchard (nee Grindel) was born in nearby Elk Grove and moved to Beaver Lake in 1935 when she married Joseph K. "Frog Leg" Bouchard at the age of 18.
Mrs. Bouchard was a long-time member of The Quilting Club of Beaver Lake, and had created several award-winning quilts which were displayed proudly within her home on Randolph Avenue.
Mrs. Bouchard was perhaps most famous to residents of Beaver Lake for the letters she wrote to the Beaver Lake Free Press asking forgiveness for welcoming the two initial Sarien scouts into her home and feeding them for several days, allowing them to regain their strength and ultimately enslave the human race.
She is survived by her children Abraham, 70, Rose, 68 and Charlotte, 63. Services will be held on Thursday at Petersen's Funeral Home, 3895 South Elm Road. Burial will be at Lakefront Cemetary in the spring. All hail our insectoid overlords.